The Ransacked Rendezvous
by Steven Dalton
Summary: Join the Baudelaires in the sixth installment of Another Series of Unfortunate Events as they travel to the home of the Duchess of Winnipeg and encounter a deadly plot that could be the end of them all. R/R!
1. Dear Reader, Book, the Sixth

**Another Series Of Unfortunate Events**

_**Book, the Sixth**_

_**The Ransacked Rendezvous**_

_**For my Darling Beatrice, I learned so much from you; especially how to live with a broken heart**_

_Dear Reader,_

_ If you have ever felt that time is of the essence whenever you are already late for a very important meeting, then I'm sure you understand there is no need to go into the meaning of the word punctual, which I shall thoroughly do in this book._

_ Whenever Klaus, Violet, Beatrice and Sunny arrive at the Winnipeg Estate they will not only be late; but they will have little or no time to prevent a serious catastrophe from occurring within an already splintering organization. Indeed if you were to continue reading; you would also study about secret passageways, masquerade balls, forged paintings and dining etiquette._

_It is my duty to record these events as they transpired in the Baudelaires' lives and reveal them to the public, but you however can study something much more wholesome such as snails, or bull fighting,_

_With all Due Respect,_

_Lemony Snicket_


	2. Chapter One

One

The word punctual is a word that people use whenever they are pressed for time and realize that it is quite likely that they will be late for a gathering, such as a brunch in the park.

Usually the only time you'll learn what the word punctual means is whenever you are late, seeing as people who are punctual would already be there and therefore not have to be reminded of the need to be punctual. It is quite likely that while you are reading this book, you are on your way to some type of meeting and are passing the time and pursuing your curiosity by seeing what this book is about; so you probably already know what the word punctual means as well.

In fact, the word punctual would only apply if you arrived late in the book; which is something that is impossible to do seeing as it is a book. But it is quite likely that you are already late for an important meeting and need to know what the word punctual means and have spent the last several minutes reading these paragraphs in hopes of a definition.

The only way I can explain is by telling you that the Baudelaire orphans and their close friend Quigley Quagmire were trying very hard to be punctual, a word which here means "not late" for the masquerade ball that they had been invited to by the Duchess of Winnipeg quite some time ago.

The Baudelaires had received theirs during their stay at the Ned H. Rirger Theater, although at the time they had no idea what it meant or who had sent it and had even presumed that it had been addressed to their parents. Since meeting Quigley Quagmire however, the children had learned that a prominent member of V.F.D. was hosting a masquerade ball as a cover for an extremely important meeting of the secretive society and Quigley had been tasked to journey there as well.

Through a series of unfortunate events which are too dire to recount, the orphans had met up with one another and now were speeding toward the Winnipeg Estate as fast as they could. Already they were roughly two hours away from the bland, a word which here means "devoid of life"; canyon which had once been the Quagmire quarry and the five children were trying their hardest to forget the dreadful experiences they'd endured while there.

For if you read the previous volume of this series of unfortunate events, then I am sure you are well aware of how the children uncovered evidence that their parents had secretively created a database and used the mines as a cover, a word which here means "inconvenient hiding spot" for the computers which formerly the housed the database which had been created probably well before the schism had taken place.

It seemed odd for V.F.D. to have chosen such a remote location for such important information; but Klaus, Violet, Quigley, Sunny and Beatrice knew that in the past the shadowy organization had done many things that didn't seem very practical in order to remain hidden from their enemies. But now the time for hiding was apparently about to end, for the children knew that not only were noble volunteers rushing to the Winnipeg Estate; but clearly dangerous villains were as well.

It was sure to be a showdown that none of them would ever forget and I can assure you dear reader; having been there myself, that is precisely what it was. Beatrice, Sunny and Violet Baudelaire all took the opportunity to sleep as Quigley Quagmire drove and Klaus learned a little about cartography from his astute, a word which here means "well-learned" friend.

"So this is Lake Lachrymose, all the way over here?" he asked Quigley, pointing at a spot on the map.

"That's right, Klaus. The train we took makes important stops in towns like that all the way along the Southern Coast. The one we boarded originally came from Paltryville which is about a day east of Lake Lachrymose," Quigley explained. "So Mister Dominic must've boarded that train after he set fire to the Anxious Clown diner," Klaus concluded.

"Quite right, you see the In-Finite Express would've headed straight to this location on the map had it not been derailed," the Quagmire triplet said as he pointed to the southernmost spot on the map which was ominously called V.F.D.

"Is that where we are headed now?" Klaus wondered.

"I certainly hope so," the dark haired, wide-eyed youth said with a chuckle and then gazed nervously at the gas tank; which I am sad to say was approaching empty. The reason that the seventeen year old was nervous was because he knew that it was likely that with so little fuel left they wouldn't make it to the Winnipeg Estate and then be even more late than they already were. Klaus Baudelaire noted his concern and stated, "According to the map, V.F.D. is near a factory; maybe it will have some fuel we can borrow?"

"I hope you're right about that too, otherwise all of us may have quite a bit of walking to do," Quigley Quagmire lamented.

The middle Baudelaire didn't respond to that but continued to examine the map as he tried to make sense of it and then finally he too decided to rest as they drove further along the Southern Coast. After another thirty minutes of driving, the dull brown car began to make soft puttering noises and Quigley groaned; realizing that their fuel was almost up.

Finally after letting out a distinctive wheezing sound; almost as if the car was a living thing and had at last chosen to die and as it did the automobile lurched to a stop; causing the three orphans in the back to awaken with a start and Sunny mumbled, "What's going on, why did we stop?"

"We've run out of gas," Quigley explained to her just as Beatrice began to cry softly and complained, "Maerd!" which probably meant, "I was having such a good dream too! About when my adopted parents were still alive."

"You four stay in the car, I'm going to look around," Quigley explained as he got out and gazed down the road ahead of him. In both directions, where they'd come from and where they were going; it appeared to be nothing more than a wasteland but the Quagmire triplet knew better than to think that.

Much like people, landscape could be deceiving by outward appearance and the dark haired, wide-eyed youth wasn't prepared to give up until he had thoroughly explored the area. Walking toward the east away from the car, he was soon almost out of sight when he managed to see that there was a lake off in the distance.

Or at least it appeared to be a lake and as Quigley came closer to the mysterious location, he realized it was actually a dried up pond and he stared down at what was now a sinkhole and tried hard not to think about how similar this place looked to the quarry he and his friends had just left and wonder if perhaps the sinkhole in front of him had occurred naturally or if perhaps it had been caused by someone; such as what he had done to protect the secrets in the Quagmire quarry by blowing it to smithereens.

As he stood there pondering these things, his gaze moved over to a wooden sign which hung by a few rungs as if clinging to it for dear life and about collapse and the seventeen year old moved over to it and leaned down on the wet grass and began to wipe the moss off of the sign in order to read it.

It didn't take long for Quigley Quagmire to realize where he was though as the first letter in the first word formed a V and he decided to head back toward the car and alert his friends. As he started back toward the road however; the dark haired, wide-eyed triplet was quite surprised to find that the Baudelaires had journeyed toward him and as they approached, Violet explained, "It seemed pointless for us to sit in the abandoned car."

"Toh!" Beatrice said with a smile to show some of her baby teeth which were almost fully in, which probably meant, "Plus we figured following you was smarter" or perhaps, "Plus there might be somewhere with air conditioning over here."

"What did you find?" Klaus asked as he cleaned his glasses and then peered over Quigley's shoulder at the sinkhole in the distance. "What is left of this place," the seventeen year old explained as he placed his hands in his pockets and then led his friends to the sign he'd uncovered. Once they examined it, Sunny asked, "So are we close to the Winnipeg Estate?"

"Unfortunately, the map only gave details to this location and the instructions Mister Snicket gave me were simply to board the train in order to get there. I haven't the slightest idea where we go from here," Quigley Quagmire lamented.

"But you claimed whenever we reunited that you knew the way!" Klaus pointed out.

"I knew how to get to the sapphire mines," their friend corrected him and added, "I had thought there would be noble volunteers there to assist us the rest of the way." "So we're lost!" Sunny lamented. "Sloof!" Beatrice agreed, which no one chose to translate to Quigley seeing as it had something to do with him and it wasn't the nicest thing for a one year old to say.

After Klaus had quietly scolded his adopted sister, the Quagmire triplet lowered his head in shame and stated, "I'm sorry; it was a mistake for us to leap from the In-Finite Express, wasn't it?"

"If we had stayed onboard, we would've been at the mercy of Mister Dominic," Violet argued. "We still are," Klaus pointed out and added, "Seeing as he conveniently misplaced his keys so that we could travel this far."

"For a villain, sometimes he does very odd things; sometimes even possibly noble," Sunny muttered. "Well he was once noble," Violet reminded them all, to which no one responded since they all were also aware of just how dastardly and despicable Mister Dominic could be.

He had successfully disposed of Esmé Squalor and the troupe members who were once loyal to Count Olaf. He had smashed the sugar bowl and murdered Sally Sebald and had stolen the Medusoid Mycelium and had caused the derailing of the In-Finite Express and also organized a strike in the quarry and tricked the Baudelaires into assisting him in his efforts to locate the V.F.D. manifest.

All of these horrible acts definitely outnumbered the meager good that the villain had done and so the orphans knew better than to think that Mister Dominic had misplaced the car keys as a favor to them.

For some reason, currently unknown to any of them; the dangerous man wanted them to come to the rendezvous which hopefully they would arrive at quite punctually if only they knew where to go. "Well I suppose while we're here, we should try to explore," Quigley Quagmire stated, breaking the silence. "Good idea," Violet agreed.

The five orphans stepped past the rickety sign and walked toward an old decaying fence line. Beyond it lay a large field with overgrown grass that looked like something out of the Amazon and Sunny asked, "Is there any way we can go around this?" Klaus leaned his head back and forth and then commented, "I think there is a building on the other side."

"Let's just run thru as quickly as we can," Quigley advised. "Stcesni!" Beatrice cried, which probably meant, "But what if there are fleas?" or perhaps, "I'm not about to be dragged thru that dirty grass!" "It's pointless to argue," Violet told them and added, "We've dealt with a lot worse."

Her other siblings conceded to this and then after delaying for another second all of them crawled under the fence and began to run thru the heavy grass. If you have ever tried to run thru a field such as this, then I'm sure you realize how disorienting such an experience can be. However it is most likely that you are quite tall, whereas the Baudelaires were quite short.

Even Quigley, who had experienced a growth spurt since the year they'd seen him; was completely lost in the tall weeds and did his very best to keep going straight. So I suppose unless you were quite tall, you too would be disoriented just as the children were; so it would probably be best to just avoid jungles or overgrown fields altogether.

Finally, the orphans made it to the other side where an old barn stood with a nearby silo and Klaus coughed softly and remarked, "I think I got some dirt in my ears." "I got straw in my hair!" Violet complained.

"That was horrible," Sunny agreed and added, "Hopefully we'll never have to do that again." "Looks like the entire farm is abandoned," Quigley commented as he cleaned off his clothes from the straw. "So you think we're on a farm?" Klaus asked. "Most likely, but I won't know for sure until we explore some more," Quigley Quagmire explained.

"Do you know something about this place that we don't?" Sunny asked. The triplet hesitated for a moment and Violet stared at him for a moment before remarking, "We're your friends! You can tell us anything!"

"I have a feeling we may be close to where Mister Snicket once lived," he explained as they walked thru the aged barn and added, "In one of the telegrams he sent me, there was an old photograph of him sitting on a porch at an old log house and in the background there was a barn… so it's possible that this is that same location."

"It might make a certain amount of sense if the Winnipeg Estate is close by. Didn't you say that the two of them were close friends?" Klaus asked as they reached the other side of the barn and then the five orphans opened the doors so that they could walk thru.

Sure enough, on the top of the next hill the children spotted a log house which had clearly not been used in many, many years and Sunny commented, "Do you suppose anyone still lives here?"

"Considering the lack of activity since we arrived, I'd wager that isn't the case," Quigley replied dryly. The former infant ignored his comment and stated, "Well maybe we can stay here for the night?"

"And maybe there is something inside that will tell us where we are," Violet stated in encouragement. "All right, let's go check it out," Klaus stated and then ran up the hill toward the house. As they stood on the porch, they all caught their breath and just out of common courtesy; knocked softly on the door which slowly creaked open.

"Hello? Is anyone home?" Klaus called out into the eerily quiet house. When no one answered, he shrugged and the five orphans entered the dusty log cabin which appeared to have been sitting unused for years. There were cobwebs everywhere, dust on the floor, splintered wood from the ceiling which appeared to be caving in and altogether the place looked about the same as the last place the orphans had spent the night at. "Are we sure we want to spend the night here? It looks so shabby," Violet commented, a word which here means "the eldest Baudelaire clearly understood that this wasn't the best place for them to sleep at".

"We could rest in the barn, but at least here we'll have beds," Quigley said as he returned from the bedrooms and added, "There are two beds and a crib, so I'll share one with Klaus; Beatrice of course gets the crib and Sunny; you and Violet can have the other one."

Without waiting another moment, the children set about cleaning as much as they could of the log house. Klaus swept the floors, Beatrice cleaned the countertops, Sunny lit the potbelly stove and Violet cleared the table.

They managed to find some old cans of soup, which in case you didn't know; almost never ever goes bad unless they are opened and Sunny set about cooking a meal for the five of them with Beatrice assisting her. Klaus, Quigley and Violet sat around the table that conveniently had five chairs already and Klaus asked, "Do you suppose this is really where Mister Snicket grew up?"

"Well, I have gathered from what little research I found on him that he was taken from this place at a very early age," Quigley Quagmire explained. "V.F.D.?" Violet guessed.

The triplet nodded and explained, "That was whenever the organization was still trying to recruit at a very early age, before the schism." "I hope we're close to the Winnipeg Estate. I have so many questions that I want to ask the Duchess," Klaus commented.

"Hopefully she'll be able to answer as many as possible and we'll finally be able to bring to justice all of the dangerous villains who have shamed V.F.D. over the years," Quigley Quagmire stated. "It seems to me that some of the noble volunteers have done very questionable things as well," Violet observed.

"Stnerap?" Beatrice asked as she and Sunny came to the table with their food, which probably meant, "You mean like how we found out about the connection between my adopted mother and the murder of Count Olaf?" or perhaps, "You mean like how we found out about the connection between my adopted father and the Medusoid Mycelium?" both of which could've possibly been what she asked, but I can't say for certain seeing as I wasn't there.

"So the question, considering how wickedness has been on the rise and volunteers are virtually on the run; why is the Duchess gathering all of us now for this mysterious masquerade ball?" Klaus wondered.

"Or rather, is it Lemony Snicket?" Sunny pointed out.

The five orphans each ate their meal silently, although in their minds they were all eager to learn the answers to these pertinent questions; knowing that if they were punctual to the masquerade ball they might learn the answers to some of them. In fact, the children went to bed thinking that they were closer than ever to resolving the myriad mysteries which had plagued them ever since their parents had died and Quigley Quagmire was convinced that soon he would learn why his parents' names hadn't been included in the database they'd found at the sapphire mines and Sunny was convinced that she would soon learn why her mother had been connected to a play at the Ned H. Rirger Theater and had been a co-star of Esmé Squalor and Klaus was convinced that soon he would meet the Duchess of Winnipeg and learn the burning questions of what was the importance of the sugar bowl and how had the schism come about and Violet was convinced that very soon she would come face to face with the man whom her mother had intended to name her after; seeing as she had presumed I was dead when I was quite alive.

But sadly, dear reader; despite the fact that the children were indeed quite punctual to the masquerade ball which was actually a cover for a very important meeting of a very shadowy organization; they would not learn these answers that they so desperately sought but instead experience many more unfortunate events.

So I encourage you to not be punctual whatsoever while reading this book and instead take your time and read as slowly as possible, or better yet simply bury it in the ground where you probably accidentally dug it up in the first place and read no further at all about what took place the following morning on their journey toward the Winnipeg Estate and the many other calamities that the Baudelaires experienced along the way to the important meeting and the deadly truths they learned upon arriving and busy yourself with something much less dangerous, such as bird watching or inflating balloons.


End file.
